Cardinals Mt. Rushmore of Absolutely Everything – From The Many Laptops of Will Saulsbery

Another day passing without baseball. Another silent afternoon of reflection and forward thinking. What will the second half bring? Was the first half some mirage built of promises bound to die on a vine of a fire sale? Well, let every other outlet across this fair city talk about that nonsense!

Let’s instead do what I do best, randomly rank things and then wonder why people are infuriated! So here we go…the St. Louis Cardinals Mt. Rushmore of Absolutely Everything! Players at each position, stadium food, nicknames…we got it all!

Part One: The Positions

We will go in order, 1-5, then the outfield.

The starting pitchers. This begins easy, and then becomes trickier than navigating I-270 North at 4:40pm on a Wednesday.

1. Bob Gibson: Obviously, he’s an absolute no doubt face carved into a cliff alongside the Mississippi.
2. Jesse Haines: He’s second all-time in wins with 210, pitched in four Fall Classics, and won two rings. Eighteen seasons in the Birds on Bat and probably would have won the 1927 Cy Young if there was one.
3. Now it gets tricky. Yes Adam Wainwright has the overall numbers, but, is he better than peak Tudor, peak Carlton, peak Slim Sallee, or peak Chris Carpenter? No, but being an absolute horse for a decade and a half gets you on the list! 200 wins, 5 top ten Cy Young finishes, two Gold Gloves, a Silver Slugger, and mowing down Beltran and Inge….he’s on the Mount!
4. You’re asking, where’s Dizzy Dean? Well, it’s not that easy. Yes he was great, but the name and the personality do a lot of heavy lifting as well. As a Redbird he went 134-79 with a 2.99, and added 31 saves, and was brilliant in winning the 1934 World Series. But, was he better than Harry “The Cat” Brecheen (One of the 50 Forgotten Cardinals)? The Cat went 128-79, had a lower ERA at 2.91, had 17 saves of his own, and played on three pennant winners, won two rings and did this in the World Series: 4-1, 0.83 ERA, 3 CG, 1 Shutout. Also he never played for the Cubs like Dizzy did. Harry “The Cat” Brecheen is number four!!!! I will die on this hill…or mount?

The Catchers. These fine gentlemen all hear their knees crack louder than a bat broken over Bo Jackson’s knee.

1. Yadier Molina: If you don’t think he’s the best, as the Beastie’s would say, Check Your Head. 10X All Star, 9X GG, 4X Platinum Glove, 1X Silver Slugger, 2 Rings, 1 Clemente Award. Plus he has the most career home runs as a Catcher for the Cards, 176
2. Ted Simmons and his 172 Cardinals home runs come in second. The mark against him, he played for the Brewers. Nobody’s perfect.
3. Tim McCarver: This dude was Gibson’s guy, and was an absolute beast in the 1964 World Series. He hit .478 with a double, a triple, a home run and 5 RBIs all adding up to a 1.291 OPS for the series. Side note, he, a CATCHER, led the NL in triples in 1966 with 13.
4. Joe Torre: Yes, I love Tom Pagnozzi and his three Gold Gloves as much as the next guy, but Torre was a beast. In his six seasons here he hit .308, with an average of almost 17 homers and 93 batted in. He also led the league in hits, RBI and average (.363) when he won the MVP in 1971!

The First Baseman: “It’s incredibly hard.” The guy that played Ron Washington in Moneyball.

1. Stan Musial: I only have so many words in this article. He is the STL GOAT. Undisputed. Plus, one of the best stories ever told on Golf with Jay Delsing.
2. Albert Pujols: Do I need to write anything? Really?
3. Mark McGwire: 70, 65, that Band-Aid in dead center…Come on now!
4. This is tough. The last two men for this spot are Jim Bottomley and Johnny Mize. Both are all over every offensive leaderboard in the history of the franchise. Peak Mize was an absolute dominant force and the best in the league. Two home run crowns, one RBI crown, one batting title, and an OPS of 1.018 as a Card. He was the Albert Pujols of the 1930s. In his six seasons here he AVERAGED 26 home runs, 108 RBI and hit .336.

But, Bottomley…played 11 seasons in the STL and hit .325 and averaged nearly 17 home runs and 100.5 RBIs for an OPS of .924. The decider? Bottoms won 4 pennants and 2 World Series. Welcome to the Mount, Mr. Jim Bottomley!

*Yes, Keith Hernandez is the greatest defensive 1B ever. “I’m Keith Hernandez.”

The Second Baseman: Hey, got a great glove but can’t really make the throw from the hole? Welcome to second base! (They’re gonna have my head for this…)

1. Rogers Hornsby: Two triple crowns, two home run titles, four RBI titles, six batting titles, seven OPS titles, 1926 World Series win over Ruth, Gehrig and the Yankees. Maybe the greatest right handed hitter to ever walk the Earth.
2. Frankie Frisch: They traded Hornsby for this guy! He won an MVP, a couple stolen base titles, hit .312 as a Bird, two rings in 1931 and 1934, enshrined in Cooperstown!
3. Red Schoendienst: The absolute epitome of the Cardinal way. The only man we collectively loved more than Willie McGee. Perennial all-star, nearly 2000 hits as a Cardinal, and has his plaque hanging in Cooperstown!
4. Peak Tom Herr was a little better than peak Julián Javier. But, in the STL we hang banners. Mr. Javier has three pennants, two rings and in the 1967 Fall Classic The Phantom hit .360 with a dinger, 4 RBIs, an OPS of .960. In Game 7, the most important game in a season ever… Mr. Javier went 2-4 with 3 batted in and a home run. Julián Javier, you’re on the Mount!

The Third Baseman: Do you have the reflexes of a jungle cat on adderall? Third base is the spot for you!

1. Ken Boyer: He is the greatest Hall of Fame Eligible third baseman not in Cooperstown. Two time world series champ, MVP, 5 Gold Gloves 10 All-Star Games. Let’s go Veteran’s Committee!!!
2. Whitey Kurowski: Another 50 Forgotten Cardinal! Had it not been for a childhood injury and resulting surgery causing his throwing arm to be 4 inches shorter than his left, he would be a lock for the hall of fame. In his peak from 1943-1947 he hit .298 and averaged 19 homers, and 90.4 batted in. Oh, BY THE WAY he also has three World Series Rings.
3. Scott Rolen: Imagine if I’d left him off? The BFIB would have my head! 4X All-Star here, 3X Gold Glover, should have won the 2006 World Series MVP, enshrined in Cooperstown!
4. I hear you…it should be Todd Zeile…or Troy Glaus…but, I’m going with Nolan Arenado.

The Shortstops: Fun fact “Shortstop is called that because, in the early days of baseball, the ball was much lighter and couldn’t be thrown long distances. The position was originally created as a “short” fielder to stop and relay balls from the outfield.”

1. Ozzie Smith: You know why.
2. Marty Marion: Three rings, an MVP, 7X All-Star, and had the nicknames of Slats, The Octopus, and Mr. Shortstop.
3. Édgar Rentería: Before you get all up in your feels, he did win a pennant here, was a 3X All-Star, 3X Silver Slugger, and won two Gold Gloves.
4. Did you know Paul DeJong is 4th all-time in hits as a Cardinals SS with 477, and he has the most home runs ever at the position in franchise history with 115? But, I don’t want to be run out of town in a box car on the BNSF, so we’ll go with David Eckstein. He did win a World Series MVP afterall.

The Outfielders. I’m not breaking these down by all three…I’m running out of gas. But we will put 5 on here to make it fair.

1. Lou Brock: In three World Series combined he hit .391, with 4 HR, 13 RBI, and 14 SB for an OPS of 1.079.
2. Ray Lankford: In team history he is 5th in home runs, 10th in RBIs, 10th in doubles, 9th in runs scored, 8th in stolen bases, and 7th in extra base hits.
3. Enos Slaughter: Despite missing his age 27-29 seasons to serve in WWII, as a Cardinal he hit .305 and averaged 11 home runs and 88 RBIs. He finished in the Top 10 of MVP 5 times, won an RBI title, and won a ring the year before he left for war, and the year he returned. Any Questions???
4. Curt Flood: Brock is the only man with more hits as an outfielder in franchise history. Plus Flood won seven Gold Gloves, made three All-Star teams, and won two rings. Those are all more than Jim Edmonds in St. Louis.
5. Willie McGee: He’s Willie effing McGee. MVP, 3x GG, 4X All-Star, two batting titles, decades influencing those to come after him.

The Closers: Do you have a resting heart rate of 35? Do you not mind if the fate of an entire game, series, or season is all on you? Welcome to the 9th inning!

1. Bruce Sutter: Three Saves titles, closed out the 1982 Series with a legendary K, and twice topped 100 IP as a reliever!
2. Lee Smith: 2X Saves leader, 3X All-Star, perhaps the 2nd most intimidating Cardinals Pitcher ever.
3. Lindy McDaniel: In 1960 he went 12-4 with a 2.09 ERA, racked up 29 saves to lead the league in 116.1 IP as a closer. He finished 3rd in the Cy Young and 5th in the MVP.
4. Jason Isringhausen: Team all time leader in Saves, led the league in 2004 with 47, and has a ring for the 2006 squad when he saved 33 before an injury kept him out of the post season.

Now, how about some fun and nonsense? If you’ve read this far, you’ve earned it!

 

Mount Rushmore of Cardinals nicknames!

1. Al Hrabosky, The Mad Hungarian. It pained me to leave him off the Closers list, his 1975 was other worldly.
2. Stan “The Man” Musial. I mean…come on.
3. Marty Marion, The Octopus!
4. Ed Konetchy, Candy Kid, the LaCrosse Lulu, the Big Bohemian, and Edward the Mighty
   1. Honorable mention to Ice Box Chamberlain and Bug Raymond.

Mount Rushmore of Cardinals Managers!

1. Tony LaRussa
2. Red Schoendienst
3. Whitey Herzog
4. Billy Southworth

Mount Rushmore of Cardinals Stadium Food!

1. The Bratwurst cooked into a pretzel
2. Classic nachos with what I assume is ground beef
3. Ice Cream in a tiny Helmet
4. The saltiest peanuts from that vendor right outside the stadium in the Cardinals branded bag

Mount Rushmore of Cardinals in game beers

1. The first sip of the first Budweiser in the first inning
2. The second one when you said you were only gonna have one but the game was going great…or horribly
3. The one right when they call last call so you get it at the last second from the last Beer Man in your section
4. The one on your back porch while Jack and Mike are on the Mighty Mox

 

So that’s it, that’s all I have in me for the day! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did, I’’ll see ya down on Clark.

-Will

 

Will Saulsbery