Dewitt vs. the Field: Sit Back, Relax, and Let the Man Cook – From the Many Laptops of Will Saulsbery

Who the h.e. double hockey sticks do we think we are? We sit in judgment of Bill Dewitt Jr.? We dole out advice to him. The man we should be thanking every single day that we still don’t have to watch day games in a bottle-cap covered in astroturf in 105 degree August heat. We, we…know what Bill Dewitt Jr. should do? Ok, let me lay it out for you so we all know what to say in his name when our heads hit the pillow this evening.

Dewitt vs. the Field, the Tale of the Tape

Let’s run down a few numbers since we’re all sports junkies here! Who doesn’t love stats?! We need not forget who we are messing with.

1. Mr. Dewitt purchased our St. Louis Cardinals in 1995 for $150,000,000. Their current estimated value according to the fine folks over at Forbes is $2.55 billion, with a B. That is an increase of 1,566.67%.
2. Full seasons under the Dewitt Jr. regime: 29
3. Playoff appearances: 17
4. Division Titles: 12
5. NLCS Appearances: 11
6. National League Pennants: 4
7. World Series Title: 2
8. Hall-of-fame players to play in STL under Dewitt Jr. regime (we will leave out Mr. Ozzie Smith since he was in town already): Dennis Eckersley, John Smoltz, Scott Rolen, Larry Walker…plus Mark McGwire should be in (Andro be damned), Edmonds will get it, Pujols, Molina, Goldschmidt, and Arenado all will be in. From day one until this very day, when you tune into Cardinal baseball under Dewitt, you are watching legends of the sport.

Plus, don’t forget the greats and favs; Taguchi, Bo Hart, Brian Jordan, Kent Bottenfield, Chris Carpenter (Cy Young anyone?), Ryan Ludwick, David freaking Freese, The Turtle, Say Hey Jay, Skip, Fat Elvis, Preston Wilson, Matty Bats, Furcal, Belliard, Motte, Rosenthal…and the legend that is and will always be Ray “20/20” Lankford!!!!

But we have advice for him? The man has served us mouthwatering baseball for almost 30 years! Ok, I know that 1997-1999 would have been tough to live through had it not been for the ungodly bombs Mac was depositing in the upper reaches of Busch II. And, yeah, I do recall the hangover that was 2007-2008, wasting two years of prime Yadi and Albert.

And…ok…2016-2018, what even was that? The only time I threw a controller that much was trying to beat Ninja Gaiden 35 years ago. Hold on, I’m getting off track. Back to my entire thesis for this!

Who do you want instead?

What other current MLB ownership group should even be mentioned in the same breath? There are a lot of teams throwing cash around like me in the Mizzou bookstore from 2000-2004, but have they done anything near what this regime has done?

The Good On Paper Owners

Steve Cohen, New York Pond Scum Mets: He purchased the Metropolitans in 2020 and has proceeded to burn more cash than Allen Iverson at a nightclub after a first round playoff exit. You want this guy?

John Middleton, Philadelphia Phillies: He bought the team in 1981, and in those 44 short years he has won a total of 5 pennants and 1 World Series. Flashing cash like some kid from Crystal City who “found a load of copper”. “Amazing…love the 88’ Mustang…” But, ya know???

Seidler, O’Malley, and Kutsenda, San Diego Padres: This law firm sounding trio purchased the Fathers back in 2012 and have dropped a Scrooge McDuck level of coinage on 8 total playoff wins. Not, series, games. They have won eight playoff games in 13 years. You want these people?

I understand, we want the Dewitt family to spend money like some dolt in Soulard after winning $500 on Keno, but maybe, just maybe, a measured approach would be better.

The, Okay, I Get it Owners

Charlie Johnson, San Francisco Giants: CJ purchased the club in 1992 and it has been a wonderful ride. Nine trips to October, 4 Pennants and 3 World Series titles. The way they brushed aside our Birds so many times still stings. But, in the 10 seasons since they won their 3rd title they have 2 total playoff appearances and have not advanced past the NLDS.

John Henry, Boston Red Sox: This guy is good. Eleven playoff runs, 4 trips to the Fall Classic all winners. Man, I really really get it. It’s like he and TB12 sacrificed Nomar Garciaparra and Drew Bledsoe to the sporting gods for two decades of dominance. (A good chunk of which came at the expense of us St. Louisans)

Mark Walter, Los Angeles Dodgers: There’s rich, then there’s Biff in Back to the Future II rich. This is just ridiculous. The Dodgers have won the west every single year but one in Walter’s tenure, and that season they finished one game out. Four pennants and two titles, and they have deferred more money than Becky and Wanda sold carpets in their entire career. Plus, there is no end in sight.

So, maybe three more successful ownership groups in all of the sport? And we have the audacity to complain?

A New Age

I, like you, have zero interest in the “Tampa Bay Rays” model. They are not successful by any true metric of actually being the best. They’re just better than they should be. In their ownership group’s tenure they’ve made the playoffs nine times and missed it eleven. Two pennants and zero titles. But hey! They overachieved! You wanna be Cinderella in March, or do you wanna be Duke, UConn, Nova, Kentucky? What good is overachieving if you’re still a loser?

I have not, and will not lose faith in the Dewitt family. They have been counted out so many times! Just scroll back up to the first section here. Come to think of if, why did we hang on to Matheny so long? Why on God’s green Earth did we allow anyone to start Pete Kozma in a World Series? And, were we trying to see if Matt Bowman’s arm would come detached during a game?

Plus, what in the world happened with Shildt? I still don’t know what philosophical differences are, but it sounds like something a band in the 90’s would say when the guitarist and drummer had a run in on the road and decided to split up before they ended up on an episode of Dateline with Stone Phillips.

BUT, what always follows these seemingly small blips? Titles baby! I have zero doubt that 2025-2035 will bring far more wins than losses, multiple Division titles, and more October celebrations ending with confetti and way too much Busch Lite flowing through the streets like the canals of Venice.

So, before we get bent out of shape, remember what this man has brought us. So much success. So many memories. So many amazing meals. So, let’s sit back, relax, and let Mr. Dewitt cook once more.

– Will Saulsbery