It finally happened. He’s gone, he’s really gone! At the announcement that Kyle Hendricks is hanging up the cleats forever I felt a metric ton of anxiety leave my body. When he was on the bump I knew, hell all of us knew, there’s almost zero point in watching this game. The Birds are done.
In all Hendricks appeared in 29 games versus our Cardinals and compiled a 14-4 record with a 2.53 ERA, 1 CG Shutout, and 122 Ks over 185 innings. Plus, he only walked 28! All while throwing what seemed like 11 MPH fastballs. As my buddy Tony LaRussa would say, “Tip yer cap.”
This joyous news got me thinking, if I were to compile a lineup and a staff of Cardinal killers from my lifetime, who would be on it? How much fear would they strike? Would the Cards even win a game or score a run? Let’s experience this catharsis together.
Cardinal Killing Lineup
CF: Kenny Lofton: It’s game five of the 2002 NLCS they keeps Mr. Lofton atop this lineup of fear. Cardinal Hall-of-Famer Matt Morris was pitching the game of his life. He was about to lead the team to a game 5 win and a chance to get to their first World Series in 15 seasons. It was 1-1 in the bottom of the 9th and Morris got two quick outs. Then a single…and another single…and TLR gives him the hook and brings in Steve Kline for the lefty on lefty matchup against Kenny Lofton.
One more out and we head to the 10th with Edmonds, Pujols, J.D. Drew and Edgar Renteria due up. Instead, single to RF and a ticket home empty handed.
In total the should-be Cooperstown resident played 46 games against the birds, hit .311, with 5 HR, 16 RBIs, 8 SB, and 33 runs scored.
2B: Craig Biggio: He just hit and hit and hit. And, I felt like we played him and his buddy Jeff every other series. From 1988 until 2007 Biggio played 248 regular season games, 13 post-season games, and walked away with a .296 BA, with 23 HRs, 135 RBIs, 31 SB, and an .824 OPS against the Cards.
1B: Derrek Lee: Why in the name of August Anheuser “Gussie” Busch Jr. did the Cardinals ever pitch to D Lee? WHY? Yes, he is my 2nd Favorite Cub of all-time behind Mark Grace, and yes, maybe when he won the Silver Slugger and Gold Glove and led the NL in hits, doubles, average, and OPS in 2005, but somehow came in 3rd in the MVP he had a reason to complain.
His stat line against the Birds is otherworldly.
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- 137 Games, .316 BA, 26 HR, 70 RBI, .950 OPS
But, by all means, keep touching the stove to see if it’s cooled off!
DH: David Ortiz: Forget his regular season stats which were fine. Forget the 2004 World Series which was good. It’s just the 2013 Fall Classic that you have to look at. He hit .688 for the series. .688!!!!! His OPS was 1.948. Those are hall of fame slow pitch softball numbers, and this was the GD World Series! After 5 games of him beating the pitching staff like rented mules, someone finally had the bright idea, “Hey…wait…what if…and stay with me here…we just walk him each time?”
3B: Aramis Ramírez: Dear God this man feasted on Redbird pitching like me on a coconut merengue pie. I have said this before, and I will believe it till they toss my ashes in the Mississippi. If all you showed someone was Aramis vs the Cardinals they would correctly assume he was the greatest baseball player to ever put a jersey on.
From 1998 to 2015 this abuse was inflicted upon all of us.
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- 216 Games, .309 BA, 38 HR, 147 RBI, 50 doubles, and an OPS of .885.
Though I believe these stats to be true, I have no memory of him ever making an out against the Birds.
RF: Andrew McCutchen: The fear lies some in his overall numbers against the Cards (.266 BA, 19 HR, 86 RBI), but 99% of it comes from what he did to poor Adam Wainwright.
McCutchen Vs Waino; Tale of the Tape
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- 90 Plate appearances, 83 official at-bats
- .313 BA, 4 HR, 15 RBI, 7 doubles, 1 triple, and an OPS of .911
The last memory of this matchup? August 22nd, 2023, McCutchen deposited a 1-1 pitch over the LF wall for a 2 run shot.
LF: Jeffrey Leonard: Yes, this is a deep cut, but if you can unlock this core memory from the 80’s it quickly becomes a nightmare. From 1977-1988 Leonard had 262 regular season at-bats against the Cards, hit .298, with 8HR, 44 RBI and an OPS of .827. Those are damn good numbers.
But, what strikes fear is that he almost single-handedly cost Ozzie, Willie, and the fellas the 1987 NL Pennant. In that LCS, JL had 10 hits in 24 ABs for an average of .417, hit 4 bombs, drove in 5, posted an OPS of .917 and won the NLCS MVP despite being on the losing squad. Thank the good lord for Danny Cox.
C: Mike Piazza: From 1993 to 2006 this guy owned more Cardinals’ pitching than the entire Dewitt and Busch families combined. In 97 career games against the Cardinals, ol’ Mikey P. hit .331 with 24 home runs, and 65 RBIs for an OPS of .995. To add salt to a Grand Canyon size wound, in the disaster that was the 2000 NLCS he hit .412 with 2 dingers and 4 RBIs as the Mets dispatched the Cards in 5.
SS: Starlin Castro: It was his time with the Cubs. Nothing after that matters. In Chicago, the Starlin Express hit .302 with 7 bombs, 49 RBIs, and 119 total hits in 99 total games against TLR, Matheny and the fellas. Are they wow numbers? No. But they are strangely better than Barry Larkin and Shawon Dunston’s.
Cardinal Killing Pitching Staff
I could go wild and find countless statistics on dozens of pitchers and compile a true to numbers Cardinal dominating staff. Or, I could simply go with my gut and internalized hate. To shutout the Cardinals and send every fan of Fredbird home sad, you need only two men.
The first of course, is the aforementioned Kyle Hendricks. The second?
Bud Norris
Every single one of you just nodded your head and let out a sigh of disgust. His overall stats against St. Louis are fine. An 8-7 record and an ERA of 3.44. But, do you ever actually remember him ever giving up a run? It’s his first 4 starts that stay with me.
- 4-0, 1 ER, and 25 Ks in 26 innings.
Bud Flipping Norris. Remember how he led the Cards in saves in 2018 with 28???? Me neither.
Honorable mentions: Lance Berkman, Jeff Bagwell, Joey Votto, Ryan Braun, Prince Fielder, and Barry Bonds.
Born and raised in St. Louis, Will Saulsbery is a multitalented writer and musician. A graduate of the University of Missouri, Saulsbery has established himself as a prominent ghostwriter, with his work appearing in top-tier publications like Newsweek, Time, Forbes, Fast Company, Tech Crunch, Entrepreneur, The Observer, and The Hill.
His collection of short stories, Death in the Midwest, A Collection Of Nine Stories Of Death In The Midwestern United States... And One In London, is now available for sale and download. He is also the host of the podcast Hoops on Scoops for the Scoops Sports Network.
