When I read the news last week that ol’ Bobby Manfred decided to allow Pete Rose and Shoeless Joe back into the game of baseball (now that they’re both on the wrong side of the grass), the first thing that popped in my head was, “Pete Rose’s grandmother had a pet monkey named Pete.” My guess is your first thought was of betting, the hall-of-fame, or 4,256 hits… but not a pet monkey.
He was what the British would describe as “A bit odd.”
Since I was a kid, my best buddy Dave, his big brother Mike, and their dad Mike Birk told me about Pete Rose’s greatness. This drove me to scour the Sports Almanac and read all his stats. I studied the back of his baseball cards. I knew he was a great player. But, when I heard him talk, or read anything about him as a person, he just seemed off to me. He was a weird guy. I could never figure out why. Then, I watched the HBO documentary Charlie Hustle & The Matter of Pete Rose and it all became crystal clear.
A Pet Monkey Named Pete
Pete’s Grandma lived a few miles from he and his parents in Cincinnati, in what was dubbed the Knothole neighborhood. That was where Pete’s father, Harry, thought the best youth baseball in the city was being played. So, Pete spent his summers there. That’s where the weirdness was engrained. My wife has trained me not to ask “what is wrong” with someone, but instead to ask, “what happened to” that person?
A pet monkey is what happened to Pete Rose.
When you’re a kid, the reality presented around you in your home and with your family is what’s normal to you. You don’t question it, it just is your life. What your parents do for work is normal work, what you eat is normal food, and what you do for fun is normal fun. You know no alternative when you’re a kid living the life your parents create for you.
So, when you spend the summer with your Grandma and she has a pet monkey named Pete, heck, that’s just a regular old day! But, I have so many questions;
1. Who was named Pete first?
2. Where did she procure this monkey? You don’t just walk down to the pound and stroll past the cats and dogs into the monkey section.
3. How many bananas did this lady buy in a given week?
4. Did this thing wear diapers or was it toilet trained?
5. Where did it sleep? In its own room, or at the foot of the bed like my dog? On the pillow by his Grandma’s head like my cat?
Pete took the answers to his grave.
It hit me like a bolt of lightning after I watched the HBO doc. The second I heard him confirm that his Grandma did indeed have this monkey, and it was named Pete, it all clicked. THAT is why he was so weird. I ran this theory by my good buddy, the great Jay Delsing. The conversation unfolded like this;
“Hey, Jay, you know how Pete Rose was really weird?”
“Oh yeah. 100%.”
“His Grandma had a pet monkey.”
“Say no more.”
It explains so much. A pet monkey is his reality. There is nothing normal about that. How many people have you met in your life? Now, how many of those people have had a pet monkey? I’ll bet the answer was zero. I’ve met at least 10,000 people in my life, and have probably known, relatively well, 1,000 of them. Not one had a pet monkey or even mentioned wanting to have a pet monkey. The idea is absolutely ludicrous outside of the Central Perk coffee house.
And, hey, having a pet monkey isn’t something you fail to mention. You don’t show up for dinner or a BBQ at someone’s house and hear them casually say, “Don’t worry, the monkey’s locked up in the bedroom, he gets a little wild around house guests.” A pet monkey is something that comes up in paragraph one or two of the FIRST conversation you have with someone that has a pet monkey.
The Hall of Fame
Should Pete (not the pet monkey) be in the hall-of-fame? I have no idea. The foul pole is continually moved by the writers and the Veterans’ committees. All I know is that you have to have been retired for five years, and 75% of the baseball writers that have a vote have to give you the nod, or the one the Veteran’s/Era committees have to vote you in.
Based on that simple math, then yes he should go in. But with the Hit King, nothing is ever simple. Yes he has 4,246 hits, an MVP, a World Series MVP, 2 Gold Gloves, 3 batting titles, won three World Series, and won the Clemente award. But, and there are a couple of Sir Mix-A-Lot sized big buts with Mr. Rose. He did bet on baseball while a manager and probably while he was a player. Plus, he had a sexual relationship with a 15 year old girl when he was 34. That makes him an absolute disgrace and a disgusting human. But, there are disgusting humans in the hall already; racists, sexists, criminals, take your pick. So, do they add another wrong just because of public outcry?
Based solely on numbers he’s a lock, but there are so many guys not in the hall that are better than guys that are in the hall. C.C. Sabathia was a first ballot guy and Curt Schilling never got in despite having better numbers in almost every single important category. Harold Baines is in, but Dale Murphy, Jim Edmonds, and Andruw Jones aren’t. I can’t make sense of it, and neither can you.
The Uncertain Future
Pete (again, not the pet monkey) will first be eligible for inclusion in the Hall of Fame in 2027. Will support grow from now till then? Will it wither? Will we uncover a long lost diary where we learn that Pete the monkey taught Pete the man the head first dive? I don’t know. I do know however that if you grow up with a pet monkey around, there is zero chance you will become a well adjusted adult with a firm grip on the normalcies of modern society.
Would I vote for Pete Rose, if I had a vote? Absolutely not, monkey or no.
– Will Saulsbery
